Did you ever fall inlove like it was the only thing in this world you could hope for? Well I did, so many times… so many times that I can’t even think why I did. I locked up myself inside and try to block all the things that might hurt me, but nothing happened Im still hurting.

Years passed until May 2016 came, my only wish is to lift this curse upon me and make me happy just for once. Then he came coated with love and light, so innocent and so sweet, caring and true, he never leave my side like he was my bodyguard, for the first time I felt like one of the Disney Princesses. Days passed on and on, until we face both of our fears and tell me things I never expect to hear… that He loves me… “I Love YOU”  that was his words. They were like a pill to me, lifting the curse that no one ever love me again, that I wont be happy with the rest of my life. All the stories I made, all the love stories I created, and all the happy endings I painted for my characters, well, nothing can compares to this….. NOTHING….. 

Love is tragic, but apparently this one is magnificent! So true that you can make any worst the best. You get so high that you dont even need take marijuana or any kind of drugs, cause his love is your drug.

Then a month passed, and like a glass Im shattered. As the petals of the rose of the beast fell of, I slowly die. She came, the girl from his past came and roars like thunder. He stood there while Im taking all the current, he just stood there not knowing what to do and I still stood there for him tho pain and prejudice creeps me. She tell the whole world how great she is more than I am, she posted foul things about me that wasn’t eve true, she said things that ruined me and she did things to make me look bad. And in my part all I did is to understand her pain, ’cause the guy she loves the most left her with some other girl, and that some other girl is ME. Yes, I get furious and posted three or four things about how mad I am. “Stooping down to her level wont do any good” that was my friends said, I hold back and shut up. Because I knew deep inside me I was wrong, I was wrong that I didn’t investigate about the guy first and I was wrong I didn’t take the initiative to know if he’s seeing someone else. Is it really my fault? For falling inlove again? Is it really my fault that she felt broken this way?

She asked me for a talk and all I heard is the things they did together, how all the true things I knew about him was all a facade. I never hear her say sorry for the things she said, even though she knew that I never had the intention to hurt her that way, even though she knew that I dont know a thing about him and her.But after all that I still kissed her goodbye after that talk, I walked away like it was the only good thing I can do for my self. I run towards my friends, I laugh out loud to cover up my heart shattering into pieces.


…… Two ……

Three ………

My tears started to drip, like thousands of falls wanting to release. Maybe my love stories weren’t like the stories I painted for my characters, maybe my stories are just how tragic they are like how Shakespeare created his. But what is this?! My world keeps on drifting away, and he still stood there. Oh dear! I dont need a Romeo to stay and stand by my side! I need someone, someone to protect me and someone I can run away with.

Now I am walking the long road again singing my song of death, trying to crumple everything inside me. He followed my pace and keep on crying while I put up a wall, He begs and begs and begs and begs. Each night, each day, each minute and hour, he begs. While She asked me to help her to have her revenge and update her about what he is up to. Then a friend of mine came telling me she talks with him again, she goes anywhere he is in, and she even taking the initiative to get the chance to be with him. While I sat in my room trying to think things up, while my phone keep on beeping for forgiveness, my footstep of his flowers and gifts just to gain me back and all the truth he murmurs in my ear.

Still…. this pain keeps on lingering.. the pain she made me feel….  the pain I thought I caused but wasn’t

Still.. His love continue to blossom…. changing all the things I know … making me realize how love can be so tragic and beautiful….

Still…. I am still the fool who he allures  in his flame…

Just like the rose of the beast that turn back its petals one by one to change what was broken but never fix it.


Featured post

For the Girl I know

I found a girl with a scar in her heart

A scar that barely notice because of her innocence

A scar that been stamped and crumpled

Without caution

A scar that she kept, a long time ago
I know this girl

Who cries a lot

Who wishes things will be well

She tends to get insecure

To the things she pretend to have
For the girl I know 

Who weep at night and mourn at day 

Who wishes that nights she could lay

For her sorrows to fade 

Like how waves of ocean flees 
This is for the girl I know

Who smiles even she disputes her

Who forgives without their “sorry”

Who hold on tight eventhough she’s hurt 

Who turn every gray into rainbow

Who love without exemption

This is the girl I know

That I found in the mirror

A word for a Prince

​Every day I ask you why do you love me? Then you keep on telling me no reason at all. But when you’ll ask me why I love you I’ll say “because I can see the universe in your eyes”. A scholar once said eyes are the gateway to our soul, so when I say that “I loveyou because I can see the universe in your eyes” what I meant by that is I love the Inner YOU, I can see everything the beauty, imperfection, flaws, and faithfulness. So trust me when I say “I love you” ’cause I know why did I fall in love with you.

A Hate for Love

Hi there, I know you’ve got hurt, I know he left you all alone on the sidewalk and makes you cry, and I know how you did just to make him stay. But enough is enough, you cant have him back, you cant turn back the hands of time and wish that there can be you and him. Stop stalking and mingling with his friends, for the hope that there can be still a chance. Girl you’ve done enough, you’ve done enough to hurt yourself! He’d done enough to hurt you! Why can’t you give yourself a favor, stop all this and move on. 

You blame his new girl, you posted tons of tweets about how beautiful you are compare to her, you uplift yourself while you push her down on the lowest pit as possible, oh dear can’t you see?  Is not her fault, never her fault! Want to know why? Because she never intended to ruin the thing you thought a fairytale, she never knew a thing about the both of you, the only thing she did was, fall inlove. Now can you blame her? Can you really blame her for your pain?

You didn’t know how much pain you’ve caused her, just because of your selfish did. You make her feel bad about herself and think things are just a facade. Oh dear, if you just knew how she ask him to talk to you, to end all this. May I remind you, she is also a lady, she knows that pain, she knows how you felt, and she knows how much you’ve cried. That is why she kept her mouth shut,she let you take the floor and hurt her up until now. Oh dear, not because you are hurting it doesn’t mean you have to hurt others too.

 Tell me, did that thing made you happy after ruining her life? That a lady like you got hurt not because of love but because of your words.

You are beautiful just like a rose, and every rose has a beautiful vase to fit in. He might not be the best for you, but he is the best for others. You might not be the best for him but you are the best for others. You are unique and special and so does she. Oh dear, see things through different perspective dont let your hatred ruined you and change you into a hideous beast. Still be the girl you know you are.

Card Captor Sakura

I still remember when I was on grade school the only thing that runs through my mind is ‘Why cant I be like that girl, Sakura’. I always run home early just to watch her using the magic key that will turn into a staff, unlocking it by saying “Oh key that hides the power of darkness reveal your true from before me, I Sakura command you under our contract  RELEASE!”, just how magical could that be right?

Sakura Kinomoto is an energetic, loving, cute, cheerful and kind type of girl, she is also a cheerleader and an excellent runner. She has this bestfriend named Tomoyo Daidouji, who supports her  and creates beautiful dresses for Sakura, oh she also love filming Sakura and she even create cute poses. I still remember its first episode, how Sakura bravely catch the FLY using the WIND card. Then Kero-chan also known as Cerberus one of the guardian of the clow cards, who stood by her side, to support, guide and to protect her. With Cerberus guardian  Sakura continued on collecting all of the scattered cards, but suddenly a boy named Li Syaoran came. At first they became rivals but sooner as the story goes they become lovers. Oh dear, Syaoran is my first love! all of his cool and sweet acts towards Sakura they made me fall inlove, oh its tsundere acts!!!! (Fangirl).

Ok now back to the story, Sakura has a crush on Yukito Tsukishiro her brother Toya best friend, and after a few episodes Yukito-san unconsciously turned into  Yue one of the guardians of the Clow Cards. Yue tested Sakura worthiness, he has this cold, serious intimidating actions (oh another tsundere type!!) exact opposite of his human side Yukito who is sweet, kind and gentle. Yue did not easily accept Sakura because he still have this special bond with Clow Reed the previous owner and creator of the Clow Cards.

After the final judgement, I thought the adventure of Sakura will end but NO, Eriol Hiiragizawa came the reincarnation of Clow Reed. He uses different kinds of magical traps just for Sakura enhance her powers and turn the Clow Cards into Star Cards. As the story goes Sakura turned all of the clow cards into a Sakura Cards even the key was turned into a Star staff. It wasnt easy for Sakura to turned each cards into Sakura Cards, because it requires all of her strength. So Yue one of the guardian of the cards who is actually dependent to Sakura powers have suddenly decreases his life force, Cereberus is aware on what is happening but Yue insisted not to inform Sakura about it. But Toya, Yukito best friend and love interest was actually worried about it, because if Yue disappear Yukito will disappear as well,  so he decided to give Yue the life force he needed, that cause Toya loses his abilities.

In the end of the anime, Sakura and Syaoran has somehow confess to one another, oh try to watch the movies especially The Sealed Card, which really showcase the affection of the two towards to one another.

Sakura and her cards are part of my childhood, they taught me various things in life. Like, there are some things that we think that we cant do but when you just try to step a little bit forward you will know that you can do something that no one else can do. You are stronger than what you think,  Kero-chan used to say “Always expect the Unexpected”. This Anime Card Captor Sakura is just one of the many creations of CLAMP, which successfully showcase a strength of a girl.

Sometimes our age stops us from doing something extra ordinary but what we dont know is on this age you must move or strive something forward, because our world is to vast, there is something that are in-store for us. Our age cant stop us doing the things that we want, our age cant stop us on creating difference, and our age is just a number of years we stayed here in this world.

I am so sure that there is also part of  your childhood that  somehow creates a big impact on what you are now. They might be a good or even a bad experience but they were part of us, they were part of who we are and what we are. We may not foresee our future, we may not have the magical powers, we may not undo or redo our life but one thing is sure we may create our own story

This is Kage Kinomoto, till next time see yah


(phot0 credits to cardcaptorsakura.wikia.com).

There is no magic, it is our heart  who creates this things we called magics. SO if you want to have something magical create one


Her Sentinel

Flower blooms in the lawn

Sun rise after the dawn

And the day set it’s crown

Another chapter unfolds


A child with a dream

A heart to conceal

As a wondrous charms

Everyone forgets


Her sentinel is gone

Now she is alone

Oh! her sentinel come!

And whisper a dream once more


Her hope fades

Her heart aches

A lonesome Princess

Badly hurt by fate


Her sentinel please come

And protect the Princess

Guard her heart

Heal her wounds

Come, and be at guard

Mighty sentinel, of the lonesome Princess

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